i think i have two assholes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
