just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
