I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
