Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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