i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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