I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Small penises have feelings too.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
