I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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