Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
