I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
