You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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