Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
