I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
