i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
