the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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