Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
