i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
