OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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