I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
