You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
