I wanna passion pit in your ass
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
