I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
