white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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