Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
