I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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