did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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