I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
