Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
