He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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