And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
