i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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