mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
