Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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