I looked at my own cervix.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
