Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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