a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
