I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
