I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You are the jesus of drinking
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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