Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
