For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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