Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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