3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
