the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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