Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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