i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
