ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
