Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
