Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
