All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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