i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
