so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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