I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
