How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
