I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
