I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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