just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
