Porn is love you can see.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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