i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
