I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
