I puked a lego.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
