How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
