doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
