New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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