I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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