we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
pray to the hookup gods
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
