i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
