glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Panties = found
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
