I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
