Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You ruined the universe
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
