dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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