I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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