Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drake has all the answers
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
