The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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