On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
