Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
