guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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