I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
